I'm too Flighty for Relationships - Being Single is Better!

Hiyah all!
I'm kinda hating myself right now but it's a good kind of hate - I mean hate is never good and it still makes me feel bad but its not enough to make me go 'emo' or let it ruin my day or anything. I dunno this kind of self-loathing is kind of hard to explain.
I'm hating myself because of how horrible I am. As some of you may know I have a boyfriend and he's really a great guy but there already a few things about him that bother me...I feel horrible being this....judging I guess you'd call it and you dont know how many times I've lain in bed and tried to force myself to not think like this. My relationship with him just began a few days ago and i felt like it started off kind of strange. I mean the way we met was kind of romantic and stuff, it was at the homecoming dance, but...
He had had his heart broken by the girl he was going out with before me and she ended choosing the other boy over him but soon after that he called me up and asked me if i wanted to date him...I had a crush on him that i was trying to hide because he didnt need that kind of stress so naturally i said yes. The second day we were together he brought me to his house which was really awkward. I mean to meet his parents that soon? And not to mention that a kind of know his sister and he never tells her anything and she was kind of like "uhh..." and it was just kind of awkward...I tried not to let it get to me but...
And he also likes to snuggle a lot. A little snuggling is okay but to me it's gotten to the point of being clingy - isnt that the girl's job? He also has the weird habit of rubbing my hand with his thumb when he's holding my hand. It wouldnt bother me if he did it once in awhile but he does it a lot and its in really erratic patterns...
Also he says he wants to let me make the choice of when to make the first move which I totally respect but not when he's dropping hints...
I'm not ready for a relationship....and I think he's still got a thing for the girl - its not that easy to get over someone you loved...I think I need to end this before it will really hurt either of us and our friendship - I have to tell him that I'm not ready for dating - I can't stay true to one person right now - I just want to have fun and hang out with the guys without worrying if my guy thinks I'm flirting with them. I want to be able to be a romantic and squeel over 'hot' characters from books/movies without having to feel guilty. I want to be able to move from one crush to another or have more than one crush at once without having to feel like I'm a terrible person.
I don't want anything I've said to leak to him because its up to me to tell him...I'm thinking this weekend although it might be really awkward afterwards but....I cant let it go on more. I'm selfish and I dont want this feeling of guilt and shame hanging over my head all the time.
I want to like who I want when I want! :P
I probably seem like a real witch with a 'B' right now but....its just the way I am and i will forever be me. :)
So, Im sorry if I've lost your respect but I just wanted to get this off my chest...
Love you lots!
The Obsessionista

Forget About Me!

I know I said that I'd say a little about myself in this post but I regret to inform you that I lied. It must come to you as a big shock that someone so amazingly fantastic and...pure as me could do something so sinful as lying but I am not that perfect. Just Kidding! I'm not nearly as wonderful as I just said I was but I do have some redeeming qualities...kinda...XD
Anyway you kinda got your way...I talked a teeny bit about myself but now I'm moving on! :P
I wanted to talk about the best holiday ever!!!!!!
HALLOWEEN!
I was planning on being Alice in Wonderland for this year but my mom's sewing machine table had a bum leg and it collapsed a few weeks ago...now the machine is broken and my Alice costume has gone down the drain...now I have no idea what I'm going to be but we went to a costume shop down by the grocery store that opens annually around this time and we looked at some of the costumes in there. It's a really awesome place its just that most of the adult and teen costumes are...slutty...There were a few really cool costumes that I adored except for the fact that it left nothing to the imagination (Gross!) One costume that I might end up getting is a Dragon Geisha one thats electric blue with a black dragon on it but its super short and ruins the whole purpose of being unique. I didn't want to make my mom feel bad but I was really looking forward to having a costume that'd be all my own and I even found an awesome picture of what i thought it could look like. Now I'll have to stick with a generic store bought one that I'm sure 30 other people in my school will be wearing. I was even more excited about my costume because we're finally having a halloween dance and I was gonna look fabulous having my own hand-made costume and I'd look all dolled up as Alice but now...
Ah...I just try not to dwell on it too much...there'll always be next year...I hope.
The reason I love Halloween is the fact that for once you can be someone/thing you're not and all of a sudden on one magic night all you're fantasy worlds come alive with real people instead of words or pictures. Its the most fantastical, imaginative, fun, twisted, dark, and just plain AMAZING day of the year!!
But I have to go now...I'm not gonna promise anything for next post because I'll probably end up changing my mind anyway...

XOXOXO

Your Fickle Friend,
The Obsessionista

Gotta Hurry!

I have about two minutes left of computer time before its 'bu-bye.'
So i just wanted to say a few things although what I'm going to be saying I have no idea....i dont even know if there's anyone reading this...anyway....its the friday of my four day weekend (OH YEAH!) and I'm hoping to do lotsa fun stuff over this little vacation. Anyway, I'll do an introduction about myself tomorra! I gotta go now....all I really wanted to do was fill the empty space...
XD

Love ya lots!!
The Obsessionista